Stop Going on Dates
That Lead Nowhere.
Most shidduchim fail not because two people are bad people — but because nobody asked the right questions before they met. Shadchans.org is a direct matchmaking platform built around one powerful idea: deep compatibility, revealed in full, before the first date.
Most Shidduchim Miss the Things
That Matter Most
Here is what nobody tells you before you start dating:
Two people can have the same background, the same hashkafa, the same family values on paper — and still make each other miserable in marriage. Not because they are bad people. Because nobody asked how he handles anger. Nobody asked how her childhood shaped what she needs from a husband emotionally. Nobody asked whether he expects her to build her life around his goals, or whether she has the emotional capacity to give love — or whether she still desperately needs to receive it. These are not small details. They are the architecture of a marriage. And they are almost never explored before people stand under the chuppah.
Be completely honest. Not the version of yourself you wish you were. Not the answers you think a potential spouse wants to hear. The truth about who you actually are, how you actually feel, and what you actually need.
This matters because your answers determine who you are matched with. An answer shaped by how you want to appear will match you with someone who fits that image — not someone who fits your reality. And reality is what you will live in, together, every single day.
This is not just about you. It is about the person you will marry. It is about the home you will build together. It is about the children you will raise — their emotional world, their sense of safety, their model for what a marriage looks like and what love feels like. The more honest you are here, the better your match. The better your match, the stronger your foundation. The stronger your foundation, the brighter the future you give your family.
Answer as if only God is reading. Because the only one who benefits from your honesty is you.
Shadchans.org was built to fix this. Not as a shortcut — as a serious, thorough, professionally developed tool that surfaces exactly what needs to be known before two people invest their hearts and their future in each other.
Psychology Comes Before Chemistry
Chemistry fades. Psychological compatibility does not. Our questionnaire was built by a marriage counselor who has seen couples discover — too late — that they were fundamentally mismatched in how they think, feel, and cope. We find that out now, not after the wedding.
Emotional Compatibility Is Not Obvious
Someone can be warm, kind, and well-intentioned — and still be emotionally unavailable to the specific person they are marrying. One needs constant reassurance. The other gives love through acts of service and never says it out loud. That mismatch, unaddressed, becomes years of loneliness inside a marriage.
Your Childhood Is Still Running the Show
The home you grew up in shapes everything about how you approach marriage. Did your parents love and respect each other? Was there tension, conflict, or emotional absence? This information is critical — and often only surfaces after the wedding, when it is too late.
Religious Compatibility Goes Way Deeper Than "Orthodox"
Chalav Yisrael or not. Which shechita. Hair covering — yes, no, no compromise. Kollel or career from day one. Yirat Shomayim as a lived reality versus a label. Trust in God when things are hard. These are not minor details — they are daily life.
Conflict Patterns Destroy Marriages Slowly
How do you react when you are upset? Do you shout, go cold, or silently build resentment? Can you handle criticism without shutting down? These patterns — almost always rooted in childhood — will play out in your marriage every week. We find out if they are compatible or combustible.
Practical Life — Where Most Couples Fight
Who earns? Who stays home with the children? Separate bank accounts or shared? Does he expect her to stay home — no compromise? These are real, grinding, daily-life tensions that must be agreed on before they become the subject of every argument.
These 200 Questions Will Make You
Think Hard About Yourself
This is not just a matchmaking questionnaire. It is a mirror. Many people who go through these questions discover things about themselves they had never stopped to consider — patterns from their upbringing they had never examined, emotional needs they had never named, values they held deeply but had never articulated.
What answering 200 honest questions does for you:
It forces you to look inward. Questions about your childhood, your parents' marriage, your emotional needs, your relationship with anger, money, and faith — these are not easy to answer. They require you to sit with yourself and think carefully about who you actually are, not who you imagine yourself to be.
It clarifies what you are truly looking for. Many people discover mid-questionnaire that what they thought they wanted and what they actually need in a partner are two very different things. That clarity alone is worth the hour it takes.
It prepares you for deeper conversations on your dates. When you know your own answers — really know them — you can have real conversations instead of surface-level small talk. The questionnaire gives you and your potential match a shared language and a list of real topics to explore together.
It is one of the most meaningful things you can do before marriage. Not because the system will make your decision for you — but because walking into your dates with a clear picture of who you are and what you need is the greatest gift you can give to yourself and to the person you will marry.
The Part That Makes This
Unlike Anything Else
Every dating platform in the world asks about your hobbies and your height. We go somewhere completely different. Our questionnaire dives into the emotional and psychological dimensions of who you are — the parts that will determine, more than anything else, whether your marriage will be a source of joy or a source of pain.
Your Childhood Left Its Mark — We Honour That
Whether you were raised in a warm, loving home or one with tension, divorce, or emotional distance — it shaped the person you became. Our questions gently uncover this picture and match you with someone whose background is compatible, complementary, or at minimum aware.
Subconscious Patterns That Drive Real Conflict
A man who carries unresolved anger toward his mother will express that anger somewhere in his marriage. A woman who grew up without emotional security will need her husband to fill that gap — often more than he realises he signed up for. These patterns need to be named before they cause irreparable damage.
Can They Give Love — or Do They Need to Receive It?
One of the most painful mismatches in marriage is when both people need to receive love and neither has enough to give. We assess emotional availability honestly — and match accordingly.
Trauma — Not a Dealbreaker, but a Conversation That Must Happen
Someone who experienced childhood abuse, family addiction, or emotional neglect may be an extraordinary person — and they may also need a very specific kind of partner. Our system identifies this and ensures both people go in with open eyes and real compassion.
Personality at the Level That Actually Predicts Success
Not "outgoing or shy." Are you controlling? Can you forgive easily or do you harbour grudges? Are you possessive to the point of jealousy? Do you take criticism as an attack? These are the traits that make or break a daily shared life.
Every Difference Becomes a Conversation — Not a Surprise
For every meaningful difference our system finds between two people, it generates a specific discussion topic for their dates. Not to alarm — to prepare. The couples who talk about the difficult things early are the ones who build marriages that last. That is the whole point.
200 questions. 10 areas of your life. One complete, honest picture.
This questionnaire was developed by a Chabad professional pre-marriage and marriage counselor
with expertise in hypnoanalysis — someone who has spent years understanding the deep psychological
patterns that determine whether two people can truly build a life together.
Simple to Use. Profound in What It Reveals.
Four steps from today to your first genuinely compatible match.
Register — Free
Create your account in minutes. Your contact details stay completely private until you both agree to connect.
Complete the Questionnaire
200 honest questions at your own pace. Your progress saves automatically at every step — take as long as you need.
Upload Your Photo
Visible only to your matches — never publicly. The right person, matched to you on a high score, will find you beautiful. Do not be shy.
See Who You Really Match
A compatibility score, a full report, serious concerns flagged clearly, and real topics to explore together. You are always in control.
Religion & Jewish Identity
Observance level, kashrut, hair covering, Kollel, conversion, Baal Teshuva, Yirat Shomayim, trust in God.
Family Background & Childhood
Your parents' marriage, the emotional environment you grew up in, divorce, animosity, and how it shaped you.
Love, Emotions & Attachment
How you give and receive love, emotional availability, what you need to feel secure, and whether you have enough love to share.
Personality, Character & Conflict
Anger patterns, criticism, jealousy, possessiveness, forgiveness, resentment, and how you communicate under pressure.
Work, Career & Finances
Who earns, who stays home, Kollel, salary, bank accounts, financial philosophy, and breadwinner expectations.
Goals, Purpose & Values
Your purpose in life, marriage philosophy, Aliyah, country preferences, Yirat Shomayim, and long-term direction.
Children & Parenting
How many children, Jewish schooling, secular education, birth control, and how you plan to raise your family.
Lifestyle & Daily Life
Television, travel, eating out, music, socializing, cooking, pets, and how you enjoy spending your time.
Health & Medical Background
Family health history, personal health, Tay Sachs / Dor Yeshorim, disabilities, medications, hereditary conditions.
Kashrut & Religious Practice
Chalav Yisrael, Glatt, shechita, kosher at home and outside, and eating at parents' home.
What You Actually See When You Get a Match
Not a name and a photo. A real, honest picture of who this person is and whether your lives can genuinely fit together.
Compatibility Score
A percentage based on how your answers align across all 200 questions — weighted by what genuinely matters in a Jewish marriage.
Serious Issues — Shown First, Clearly
Halachic incompatibilities, deep psychological conflicts, and hard dealbreakers are displayed at the top of every report. Nothing is buried.
Real Topics for Your Dates
Every meaningful difference becomes a specific conversation to have — so your dates go somewhere real instead of staying on the surface.
Connect Only When You Both Want To
Express interest. If they feel the same, contact details are exchanged. Nothing shared without mutual agreement.
Already Married? This Program Is for You Too.
The same 200 questions, the same in-depth psychological and emotional analysis — but instead of finding a match, you and your spouse each answer independently, and the system shows you a full compatibility report of your own marriage.
Understand why your spouse reacts the way they do. See how their upbringing shaped their expectations. Discover what they need from you that they have never been able to say directly. Find the patterns driving your conflict — and finally have the conversations that lead to real change.
This is not about whether you should have married each other. It is about understanding each other more deeply than you ever have — and using that understanding to build a stronger, more loving marriage.
Explore the Married Couples Program →A Note for Shadchanim
Shadchanim do sacred, irreplaceable work — and Shadchans.org is here to make that work more powerful. When your instinct tells you two people might be right for each other, use our full compatibility report as a tool: understand both individuals at a deeper level, identify what needs to be discussed, and present the shidduch with confidence and clarity. The wisdom and the personal touch remain entirely yours. We give you the most complete picture possible to work with.
You Are Sharing Personal Things. We Protect Every Word.
Your answers are intimate. Your identity is sensitive. We treat both with the seriousness and discretion they deserve.
Contact Info — Private Until You Agree
Your phone and email are never visible to anyone until you both express interest. You can also use a family member or shadchan's contact instead.
Your Photo — Only Your Matches See It
Your photo is never public. It is only shown to members whose compatibility with you makes them a genuine match.
Secure and Encrypted
All data is transmitted over HTTPS. Your answers are stored securely and never shared with any third party.
Delete Everything — Anytime
Delete your account and all your data permanently from your profile page. No delays, no questions asked.
The Right Person Is Out There.
Let's Find Them Together.
Stop guessing. Stop going on first dates that lead nowhere. Build your complete profile today and let our system do what no photo and first impression ever could — match you with someone who is truly right for you.